There are phases when you hold everything together. Teams. Appointments. Conversations. Decisions. And the moment you open the door at home, it continues: organizing, making sure everything is covered, thinking ahead, taking care of others.
On the outside, it looks confident. Maybe even strong. And yet you feel it: you’re functioning – everywhere. But you never truly arrive anywhere.
Many people who carry responsibility – both at work and at home – experience exactly this state. Not loudly. Not dramatically. But as a quiet, constant overwhelm in the background. A pressure that doesn’t come from tasks, but from thoughts that never stop.
This is mental load, and it consumes both worlds at the same time.
1. Why the Double Role Exhausts Us, Even When We Don’t Want to Admit It
Mental load is not a to-do list. It’s the invisible thinking behind it:
- Who keeps track of everything?
- Who thinks about tomorrow?
- Who catches things when they go wrong?
- Who makes sure “everything runs smoothly” – at work and at home?
The exhaustion doesn’t come from doing a lot. It comes from your mind constantly managing responsibility. Always alert. Always ahead. Always available. Until your own feelings are neglected, or completely silenced.
2. When Functioning Mode Controls Both Worlds
Many describe it like this: “I work, and at the same time, I keep working in my head.” In a meeting, you think about the parent-teacher evening. On the playground, about the upcoming client call. In the car, about everything no one has considered yet today.
The body keeps going. The system runs. You hold it together. You coordinate. You compensate. Yet while you are present everywhere, you are truly nowhere with yourself. This is the point where mental load doesn’t just burden: it devours your sense of direction.
3. The Invisible Cause: Responsibility You Carry Alone
People with high competence have a blind spot: They take on responsibility faster than they question it.
You notice:
- What clients need
- What colleagues expect
- What needs to be organized at home
- What no one else sees
But you notice less often:
- What is too much for you
- What you don’t have to carry
- Where you lose yourself
- Where you need boundaries, not more optimization
The greatest exhaustion doesn’t come from work, but from responsibility you manage alone.
4. Why Clarity Doesn’t Start in the Calendar, but Within
You can optimize processes. Define responsibilities. Try out new systems. But if you keep taking on the same role internally, the “silent holder,” the “invisible manager”, very little changes on the outside.
Clarity emerges in a much quieter place:
- What of this is truly mine?
- What do I carry out of habit?
- What belongs to me and what only to my sense of responsibility?
- What do I have energy for today? And what not?
These questions don’t organize your tasks. They organize you.
5. Three Steps to Relieve the Double Function Role
(1) Make the Invisible Visible
Not for others, first for yourself. Everything swirling in your mind deserves a form. Mental load only becomes lighter when you recognize that it exists.
(2) Reorganize Responsibilities, Not Tasks
Don’t ask, “Who does what?” but “Who thinks of what?” That’s the true point of energy.
(3) Make the Smallest Possible Decision
Not a huge upheaval. Just the next inner step: a boundary, a “no,” delegating, or pausing. Small decisions change patterns and patterns change the load.
Unterm Strich
Mental load doesn’t show that you’re weak. It shows that you’re carrying too much without bringing yourself along. Functioning in two worlds is not a permanent state. It’s a signal. A reminder to return to yourself: to your clarity, your presence, your inner direction.
Impact in balance means: first finding yourself again, then shaping responsibility consciously. When you stop trying to hold everything in your head at once, something emerges that you may have long missed: inner space. Inner calm. Inner self-efficacy.
If you feel that mental load is demanding from you in both worlds – at work and at home – it’s worth taking a look behind the scenes of this pattern. In the podcast episode with Marei Schmitt, Debora talks with her about how mental load arises, why it often remains invisible, and how you can regain clear self-efficacy.
>> Listen in and discover what changes when you no longer carry responsibility alone, but shape it consciously. <<
